Headcase Strikes Again

Today was not a good day.

On account of the side effects from my new medication, bad sleep and being a woman I have been on the verge of being really ill all week.

By which I mean I feel like at any second now I am going to tip over into full blown ‘I’m ill, feel sorry for me and feed me painkillers’ territory.

As a result I did not play football today and instead hung out with my boyfriend at our friend’s animation night.

Today was hard at work.

For some reason unclear to me I had a customer service shift today that was 2 hours long, when our shifts last 90 minutes usually.

I was afraid. I was very afraid.

And whilst I did not have a single bad encounter, due to the volume of encounters I had I was becoming more and more of a quivering wreck.

You know it’s bad when you are counting down the time till ‘freedom’ in the sixtieth fractions.

I have also developed a very lovely habit of stuttering and stammering over the simplest of enquiries which is embarrassing for all concerned.

I felt ‘alive’ with stress today. And I desperately felt like I needed to take the edge of somehow.

Long ago I used to smoke. I am going to say something that is, sadly, 100% true.

Nothing tastes as good as smoking.

I’m sorry. When I said that to my (non smoking) brother he said ‘Guh, that is so unbelievably BORING’ and it is.

I know the nicotine in cigarettes causes you to feel stressed, that whilst the sensation of having your stress slide away when smoking is accurate, the fact is you wouldn’t have had that stress in the first place if you didn’t smoke.

So when I get stressed, although I am (relatively) certain that I won’t smoke again, I can’t help but think ‘A cigarette will make the stress go away’

I gave up smoking a long time ago and finally came off nicotine replacement products over a year ago. My chosen method was nicotine gum and as a result I am mildly addicted to chewing gum as a stress reliever.

However, I have decided that chewing gum is an ‘unessential purchase’ and as a result I haven’t bought any all year.

There may be a correlation between that and my stress levels.


Well it’s Friday tomorrow and naturally I’ve got to go into work no matter how ill I become because who really believes that the person who calls in sick on a Friday is actually ill?

I am having an early night though, so I bid you good ‘morrow.

Published by flodebtfreediary

Hello, I write about food, debt, saving money, mental health and social anxiety.

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