My boy is ill

My boyfriend is ill.

His symptoms could be nothing.

They could be much worse.

It could be something that affects me.

Time will tell.

It is his birthday on Sunday. My mum has always sent him a card. I guess this year he won’t get one.

I can relate everything to wrestling and I want to watch the ‘Jake the Snake’ documentary again to try and understand having an addict parent from the parent’s point of view.

The house needs tidying but I have drunk too much gin (for me, too much gin for a regular person would be about triple what it is for me).

I went to the doctors to have the anti anxiety pills added to my prescription. I think they are working on the whole.

It is hard explaining to the doctors that I can be ok in social situations if I feel safe with the people. It is the unpredictable – ness of people I don’t know that freaks me out.

I saw a counsellor last year and she said it was a result of my parents (I know, I know, that seems to be psychology 101). And yes, with a drunk mum and an angry dad you never knew what they were going to do next.

My brothers and I kept a list of the household items my dad destroyed in fits of rage. Chair, Grill, Metal Kitchenware….

My mother smashed a window trying to get to booze.

I like having every situation thought out. I like having at least a loose plan for every eventuality. I don’t like things to happen without prior notice.

Yet one of the words I would use to describe myself is impulsive.

Published by flodebtfreediary

Hello, I write about food, debt, saving money, mental health and social anxiety.

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