Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt

You won’t be surprised to hear that nothing went wrong on my first day in my new job.

Although it was overwhelming in the early part of the day by the end of it I had a sense of calm that whilst I had a long way to go, I was going to learn how to do it.

Everyone was lovely and it seems very relaxed but it doesn’t seem like I will be bored.

The trouble is, I distrust good things happening to me. As much as I want good things to come my way when they do I wonder what the catch is. Or how long will it be till my life implodes again.

And the truth is I feel like suffering should be my default state because if I am honest deep down it is all I feel I deserve.

But that is a stupid way to feel and I am growing tired of treating myself so badly.

Imagine what my life would be like if instead of feeding myself negative thoughts I replaced them with a bit of kindness?

Do you know what the boy’s catch phrase is?

‘I’m the best!’

Do you know what he says when I ask him who he loves most?


He has a T-Shirt his friend made for him which has his face on and ‘I’m kind of a big deal’ written on it.

Imagine what I could have achieved with just a smidge of that confidence.

The trouble is I don’t want to look ‘arrogant’, as if saying ‘I’m probably not the worse person in the world’ will make people dislike me for being stuck up.

But I am prepared to lose a few followers or likes just to say this, as I feel it is important to my mental development.

I am Flo, and I’m brilliant.

Published by flodebtfreediary

Hello, I write about food, debt, saving money, mental health and social anxiety.

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