I don’t have an ipod, I have a tiny little MP3 thing that fits about 6 albums, you cannot select songs, but it is fine, it provides me with noise when I want to block people out in a socially acceptable way.
Combine with sunglasses and I can avoid the whole world.
Today I decided to walk home from the main station rather than get a connecting train. It’s about a 30 minute walk. I am trying to fit in 30 minutes of additional walking each day.
As I walked through town I came to instantly regret my decision as someone tried to get my attention, a girl/woman, perhaps only slightly younger than me.
I ignored her and walked past.
It’s not because I am trying to be a d*** or that I think I am better than people. I can accept she was most likely going to say something nice like ‘Your headphones are great, where did you get them from?’ (my headphones are great, they have lightning bolts on) or maybe she was going to tell me my fly was undone, but still I walked past.
It’s because I am terrified of all social interactions with strangers. It doesn’t matter if they are positive or negative. It doesn’t matter if they are surreal or mundane. Being spoken to above and beyond the bare minimum a person can go through in a day makes me feel…
I know that is such a strong word and I should be grateful that I have never been violated for real, but I can’t deny what my crazy mind puts me through.
Honestly, it’s like I go out of my way to make my life difficult for me.
Actually it’s not ‘like’, it’s a whole lotta yeps I do.
I have had a bad day.
I decided to be honest with my new boss and say my financial situation has changed and I need to look for other work.
I wasn’t exactly expecting her to jump for joy, so I’ll just say she was displeased.
I feel rubbish.