I do the best impression of myself

I need money.

Due to basically spending all of the month’s food budget already, we have had to increase the budget by £50, and to be honest we have admitted defeat, and the new monthly food budget for the rest of the year will be £250.

This means I had to find a way to front my £25 half.

Except, I have £1.50 left in my wallet. I have basically nothing left in my account that isn’t assigned to Bills.

This means I had to sell some stuff.

The OH offered to help me out, but getting into debt with him is what caused this mess.

I can’t really do Ebay on account of not really being able to get to a postbox during the week, making posting parcels difficult, and my anxiety means I am scared of scammers and conflict. I use Ebay when I am truly, truly desperate.

There is something I can sell without interacting with many people, it is quite straightforward, and I haven’t had any bad experiences.

My Books. In the hallway I have 6 boxes of books packaged up into what would fit into the boxes I have available, making sure they are over the £5 minimum selling price, and tomorrow I will take them to a local corner shop that does myhermes pick ups.

Don’t feel too sorry for me, I bought most of them on credit card so this is a sort of karma justice.

I made the £25 I needed, I decluttered, I recycled some boxes, and I decided to sell some more.

Do you remember how I spoke about the new spending category, which is the ‘I F***** UP’ category?

Well I decided to get strict with myself.

I added all the items in that category to the ‘Non Essential Purchases Only Birthday Spending Money’ spreadsheet, and I am in a deficit of £9.80, so I am going to sell another £10’s worth so that I can pay that towards a debt and restore things to their natural state.

I am now going to have to rejig the budgets on two accounts.

1. For the new increase in the food budget
2. I need counselling.

I think I have become so preoccupied with paying my debt off at the expense of everything else, that I have neglected my health.

For the last few years I feel like I haven’t really been living my life, I have instead been doing a good impression of a human being.

I think I have created such a warped reality and way of living for myself that it seems like my life is normal when it is anything but.

I need counselling. I need to put my mental health first, even if just temporarily.