God Make Me Famous, If You Can’t Just Make it Painless

“If you focus on results, you’ll never change. Focus on change; you’ll get results” 

  • Jack Dixon, Author

That quote is from a magazine/book I’ve got called ‘Run Your Belly Off!‘ by Runner’s World Magazine. Not to be confused with a similar sounding book called ‘Run Your Butt Off’ which I would really like to read (my butt needs as much attention as my belly does).

I have turned to comfort in the form of sports magazines, sporting memoirs and my exercise books. As previously mentioned I guess it’s because it is easier for me to control and manage what my body can do compared to my mind at the moment.

I said this quote to the boy a few days ago and he loved it and said ‘That’s it! That’s a great quote, that’s what you should be focusing on’

I need to focus on change whilst I am recuperating. Such as that yesterday was the first day in a week that I didn’t cry or wake up at 4:30 am.

Whilst I am still less than I have been in recent weeks, I have got part of my appetite back and have put on a pound or so.

But last night was bad. I was hit by extreme nausea and spent a long time in the bathroom either trying to be sick or trying to not be sick.

Today has been a bit better. But I am psyching myself up to leave the house and go to the Library. That will involve walking through town and being around large crowds of people. The library holds books that might make me better. The walk would be good. The sun is shining and vitamin D is always good.

But there will be people. People who haven’t been categorised in my mind as being safe. People who I fear will harm me.

What I love about summer is I can hide behind my sunglasses and not make eye contact with people.

I think when I am better I want to get started with pushing my body to the limits. At the moment pushing my body to the limits would involve running for a bus without having a heart attack.

I will obviously concentrate on my mental health as a priority, but maybe focusing on the changes in my body, in what it can do, what it is capable of, will help aid me.


Published by flodebtfreediary

Hello, I write about food, debt, saving money, mental health and social anxiety.

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