Today after a 30 day absence I returned to work.
It was fine, better than fine, it was like a new fresh beginning.
My bosses and colleagues were wonderful.
I had to face the truth at long last. That I am, or was, utterly paranoid.
No one was out to get me.
No one was whispering in a corner about how terrible I am as I made my way into the office.
No one shouted or snarled or sneered at me.
They were all lovely.
My brain had betrayed me. It had led me to believe there was harm and danger in every direction, in every situation, in every person.
I know this sounds unbelievable, but I believed in what my brain was telling me. I believed in the danger, I believed that everyone was out to get me, that everyone hated me.
When the boy tried to gently tell me I was paranoid I genuinely believed he was wrong, that he was naive, that he was lying to me.
I feel like I am finally seeing the world for what it is. I feel like I am finally seeing the truth. I feel like I have been given a lifeline.
I don’t know how long I will be in this job. I don’t know how long this feeling will last. I don’t know what tomorrow holds.
But today I feel strong and happy.