Careful Now

There was a point earlier this year when I could honestly say I was the happiest I had ever been.

And, I don’t want to get excited, I am scared to trust how I feel, but I feel not totally dissimilar to that now.

The boy has asked me to acknowledge this, to document it, to write it down.

I don’t know how to. It just feels like I’ve had a lobotomy – in a good way. It feels like I’ve been hypnotised.

Is it the fact I forced myself to relax? Is it the fact I realised I had reached rock bottom with my mental health and I explored every avenue to get better? Is it the double dose of meds?

I don’t really care where it has come from. Part of me is worried it is a clear sign I may have Borderline Personality Disorder, but I will enjoy it for the moment.

I hide from photos. If someone brings out a camera I usually run away or hide behind the tallest person if it a group shot.

I don’t smile much as I am convinced my face has gone all weird and people will think I am crazy if I do. But today I took this photo. This is my ‘Every Little Thing is Going to be Alright’ photo.

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Published by flodebtfreediary

Hello, I write about food, debt, saving money, mental health and social anxiety.

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