Aint nothing going to get in between me and my flow

I feel a bit flat.

I also feel very unwell. I am multi tasking. Watching Neighbours on catch up TV with my biggest mixing bowl for the vomit that won’t let up.

Here is a fact. I cannot call in sick to work. Not after 28 days off for mental health problems. Not after I promised my line manager I would tell her if anything was wrong (and the totally didn’t tell her all day today that I was feeling unwell).

Not when every sick day will cost me money.

So I’m just going to have to suck it up.

I am going to have to have an early night. But I need to catch up on my Neighbours.

Yes, Neighbours is probably the least cutting edge soap I could watch. But I like how nothing bad ever happens, or if it does it is solved three weeks later.

Seriously, people don’t even stay dead in Neighbours.

I had an item sell early on ebay for a very good price, so at least I am taking a tentative step towards sorting out my finances.

I am worried about how little I achieve during a working week. Monday to Friday is about survival. The boy and I barely manage to keep on top of the washing up, but maybe that’s because we spend a lot of time watching Wrestling.

I am chronically tired.

I hate to say this, but I can’t wait for this year to be over.

The boy tries to cheer me up by pointing out this is all good material for my blog, and I’m like ‘But surely I have suffered enough? I mean, surely the social anxiety, the alcoholic mum, the angry dad, the years of poverty, the restrictive eating habits, the low self esteem, surely that is enough material? I mean, how much do I have to suffer for my art?’

Ok, now I am beginning to piss myself off with the mopey-ness.

I have drunk something like 10 litres of water today and I still have an insatiable thirst.

I think the vomiting has subsided, after this episode of Neighbours I think I will head to bed.