Yesterday was my last day at work. I was given a card, a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates and my team went out for lunch. I really appreciated all this as my office is quite mercenary to an extent and I know from things I have overheard that they won’t go out of their way or bother to do things like that for people they don’t like. So the fact that they did all that is a sign that I was at the very least liked and appreciated by my team.
So I feel on a mental high, because if ‘failing’ at my job resulted in that sort of reaction to me leaving then maybe…I didn’t fail?
(I’m sure you’re all thinking, ‘Well of course, Flo!’)
It has been hard at work, I’m not going to lie. I am bad at goodbye’s and prefer to just sort of sneak away. More people then I would have liked found out I was leaving and naturally they were asking good nature questions like ‘Where are you going on to next?’ and I had to just say that I had nothing lined up. Which made for some pretty awkward moments.
But at least I am over my funk of ‘I can never apply for a job again because if I get one I will just fail and make a mess of my life again’. I am still a bit wary, but I will apply for jobs, I’m not going to be an idiot about it.
It is payday today. Currently this is my last confirmed payday of the year, but who knows what the future brings. I cleared my overdraft today, it hasn’t officially cleared yet, but it is gone. I opened that account as a student in 2008. It has fluctuated in size but one thing has been constant which is that I have almost exclusively been living in it in the last 9 years.
I’m not going to say I am never going to have an overdraft again, as an interest free one would have a certain use and security to it, but I am not planning on having one at any point in the near future. It took so much effort to clear this, it was kinda my obsession this year, well it’s gone now.
I rounded down the H U G E debt I owe the boy to a nice even crazy amount of money. He is not in a hurry for it, he is very good in that he wants me to clear my other debts first before I think about paying him back and also it is interest free. I have decided that as soon as I can I will take out a life insurance cover, maybe just a term one, for the money I owe the boy so that if (god forbid) anything happens to me he will get his money back.
I also rounded down the debt on the smaller of my credit cards so that is under £1200.
I can’t make the payment yet but I am going to pay a hefty amount to my bigger credit card to bring it into a new hundred category, bringing it to under £2795.
After that payment is made my credit card debt will be £3970. It was £5996.12 at the start of the year.
Now that the overdraft is clear and my credit card debt is all at 0% and is a smooth running machine in terms of paying it back I am going to prioritise building up an emergency fund as I have £0 in savings. That’s not a euphemism. I have an ISA with a 0 balance. What I am going to do is instead of rounding down my pay and bank account to my debt I will just pay it into my savings account. I paid £16.75 into it today. Every little helps.
I have gone home to my Dad and Step Mum’s house for a week. My plan is to do nothing other than writing, surveys and applying for jobs. Maybe seeing a few friends and family members of course.
I currently have £119.21 in Amazon Vouchers earned through my survey sites and other money making scams as the boy calls them, which is the most I have ever had saved up. I am a long way towards meeting what I would need to cover Christmas presents for my family if I wanted the cost to be £0. This is why I feel like I can afford Christmas potentially.
All in all things could be worse.
I have a few expenses I will have to find funds for. Train fare to Birmingham to see Queen. And I support Bristol City Football Club and they are inexplicably through to the quarter finals of the Carabao Cup and have been drawn to play Manchester United at Home in December. When I was a child I loved Man U (although there is this saying that only people outside of Manchester who know nothing about football support Man U which in my case at the time was very, very true!!!) so this is like a dream come true, but then we all know the mess I got into earlier this year when it was a ‘dream come true’ to see Queen live.
I have done something that might not be the wisest decision, but I have decided I am going to see my sister and her kids in November. She lives in Norwich which is very expensive to get to, so I am going by coach to save half the cost of the train fare (it will take 8 hours to get there though!! Good thing is I like long journeys as it forces me to relax and be still) The reason why I am seeing my Dad/Step Mum this week and then travelling again to see my Sister, and therefore incurring costs when funds are limited is because I don’t know what sort of job I will get next and whether I will have any time off over Christmas or in the early part of next year to see them, so I am making the most of the opportunity now.
I had this idea that if I could make it to September then I would survive the year. Now I am sort of thinking if I can survive this year then I can survive anything.
The 25th marked the 18th anniversary of my childhood friend’s death from Leukaemia. That alone puts things into perspective. I have so much to be grateful for, so many reasons why I am lucky, there are so many ways in which I am blessed, if I can just be a little kinder to myself then all will be ok.