82 Days

It is nice to be in a position where I can make a little financial gesture of love.

My mum texted me to say she was reading Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children and she had just seen that the film was going to be on TV tonight and she was torn as to whether she should watch it and spoil the book she was still reading.

I simply texted her and told her I would buy her a copy of the film on DVD for when she finishes the book. It is a small gesture, will cost me approximately £5 according to its current Amazon price, yet it wouldn’t have been that long ago that I wouldn’t have been able to afford to do that.

I’m not saying the only way to show love is to by buying people things, but this is a small thing that will cost me little but will mean so much to my mum and I didn’t even hesitate about offering to buy it for her.

This, to me, means wealth.

When I was a teenager I merely wanted to be rich enough to afford to buy the music magazine Q each month. It was my favourite magazine, but it was at the time a stretch to buy on the teenager annual income of £0.

I still don’t really think I am rich enough to buy it each month now, but that is only because my priorities have changed. I get cheap magazine subscriptions all the time. I currently have an ongoing subscription to Moneywise magazine. So it is not a case of not having enough money to buy magazines each month, it is a case that I still don’t have enough money to spend on things that don’t hold a maximum value to me. I can afford what I need. I can’t yet afford what I want. But there were plenty of times in my life where I couldn’t even afford what I needed.

I feel I have wealth now because in 2014 I could only afford Lush products by buying them with debt on a credit card. Now I can just about afford what I like from Lush with actual money from my wallet. This to me is wealth. It is a wealth that at one point I could only dream of. I still have to be very careful with money. Money is always going to be at the very least a minor source of anxiety to me, but it hasn’t been the crushing despair and stress that is once was for years.

Poverty is not being able to afford what you need. Comfort is being able to afford what you need. And Wealth is being able to afford both what you need and want.

Is it wrong to aspire to wealth? I just want to be comfortable, but I want to be comfortable in style. I don’t necessarily aspire to have a McMansion but a little place of my own would be nice.

At this moment in time I may be moving out of my flat in September. I would like to live alone. I cannot afford to live alone. All my friends are settled in their lives and I don’t really know anyone who I could move in with or who could move in with me. Therefore what will likely happen is I will rent a room in a flat share, with people I haven’t met before. It is not my ideal scenario, but it will be cheap and that will be a nice benefit in itself.

I am worried about being financially independent. Yet it is what I have always craved, so surely I should be leaping into that challenge? It is just a bit scary and daunting. But it has to happen at some point.

It is critical that I get some savings behind me, and I must work on that. I must stop dreaming about sports watches and instead focus on building my savings and having a good safety net behind me.

In 82 days I will be debt free and it is time to stand on my own two feet and be my own woman.


Published by flodebtfreediary

Hello, I write about food, debt, saving money, mental health and social anxiety.

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