35 Days

In 35 days time I will become debt free for the first time since at least 2013.

Although I am lucky that on the 27th of August 2020 I can share that achievement with a vast range of wonderful relatives and friends, there will be a significant person missing that day.

My mum passed away this week. This grief is like no other grief I have ever felt before.

I got into debt because I lived impulsively and with my heart. Whilst a lot of my debt was caused by having insecure employment, ill health and bad luck, there were plenty of times when I went on Amazon and bought £50 of books I couldn’t afford on a credit card.

I have done a complete flip personality wise. I now live with my head. I live frugally, sensibly and in budget at all times. This makes me feel safe.

It is hard to let go of the head way of thinking. I fear relinquishing it’s controls will lead me back into debt.

But I want to look back on my life knowing I lived a balanced life, I want to live within my means, but I want to have adventures and let my heart have it’s way sometimes.

The best way I can honour my mum is by living a full, happy and healthy life. I will keep her in my heart every day. I know she was proud of me, but I want to make sure I continue to make her proud and honour her memory.

I love you, mum.

Published by flodebtfreediary

Hello, I write about food, debt, saving money, mental health and social anxiety.

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