I am pretty sure someone I work with doesn’t like me.
He has seemed a bit off with me for a while.
The old Flo would have been agonising over this. The old Flo would have been crawling the walls with worry and anxiety. I would be going over and over again every exchange we had had together looking for proof he hated me, looking for signs, trying to fix it.
I would have been a simpering mess of a woman, practically resorting to bribery and flattery to win him over.
I would have done more to make him like me then I have done for previous crushes/lovers.
Well, I went over the ‘data’ calmly and rationally. I have no proof that our relationship has changed (though there does seem to be an increase in digs). All I have is speculation.
I look at the facts.
Do I think I am worthy of love, affection, good will? Yes. Do I think I am a good, hard working worker? Yes. Do I think I have done anything heinous to warrant this perceived change in his feelings towards me?
So I am not going to invest any more time or energy on it.
I have finally realised something that has long traumatised me. That no matter how lovely, pleasant or agreeable you are as a person the law of averages dictates that someone, somewhere will dislike you. Probably for being so lovely, pleasant and agreeable in the first place.
I have shied away from social media, I have kept my opinions to myself, I have been afraid of rocking the boat or being outspoken lest I offend anyone. Whilst I don’t necessarily think that is the worst way to live, I have now decided to define my self worth on the opinions of those who matter to me.
And more importantly myself.
Do I like myself?
I can honestly say for perhaps the first time in my life I like myself. I am not perfect, but no one is, and I like myself in spite of or maybe because of my flaws.
I would go so far as to say I am great.
(However The Boy still maintains he is the best person in the Universe and I am at most second best).
So I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. And I don’t mean in a petty, childish, antagonistic way. I am not about to be discourteous to my work colleague, I will still be professional, I harbour no ill will feelings towards him, I genuinely wish him nothing but the best.
But I have finally accepted that self worth should come from within, not from the opinions of others.
Thanks for reading guys, love to ya all.