I have the self esteem of a grape, easily crushed

Today I had it confirmed that my contract isn’t going to be extended. I left work early to focus on a job application, but my heart isn’t in it. I have lost all confidence in my abilities to work. I said to the boy ‘See, I told you I’d lose my job, you didn’t believe …

In a Cage (On Prozac)

What would my life be like if instead of fearing the worse in every situation, I anticipated the best? If I woke up excited for all the wonders that would fill my day instead of awaiting the potential (and often unrealised) horrors? If I believed that I could change my life for the better? That …

I’ve seen pigeons with more confidence than me

Most people when they get a job in their dream field (which they thought was out of reach to them) would be overjoyed. About 24 hours after I found out I got the job in my dream area, I was looking for reasons to diminish the achievement. I began telling myself that I only got …

Rebellion 2: If Food be the Music of Love…eat on

Yesterday I spoke about how my getting into debt was probably a rebellion against having to be so careful with money, and indeed not having any money when I was younger. Well, I believe there is another area of my life where the current bad state I am in was caused by a sort of …

My Worst Moments of Anxiety #3 Graduation Day

#3 Newport, Wales, UK 2011 I have a habit of getting extremely anxious at big social gatherings which are supposed to be happy occasions. It is primarily for this reason that I fear having a big wedding and instead hope to have a small one. In general I had poor mental health whilst at University. …

Flip It

At the weekend I was chatting to my boyfriend. It was about my social anxiety. I was saying how in 2015 my biggest problem was the fact I was a financial hell mouth and somehow haemorrhaged money each month (each day would be more accurate) and felt like a bottom feeder living off my boyfriend. …

My old friend Mr Anxiety strikes again

Today involved a fair bit of spending-all from the approved categories. £1.10 for Milk (Work Expense), £3.90 Train fare to friends house (Travel Day to Day) and a £2 donation to my Boss’s maternity leave present (Gifts). The reason why I was travelling to my friend’s house is because she is the Vice Captain of the girls …