The Morning After The Night Before

The alarm said 4:30am. There is a great play by Sarah Kane called 4.48 Pychosis, which is about how her only moments of clarity in a 24 hour onslaught of poor mental health would come at 4.48 in the morning. I am a deep sleeper, but 4.30 am has become my new waking up time […]

I Don’t Believe In Being Brave

Menswear are a 90’s Brit Pop band. Some may argue that history has been unkind to them. Others will say that they don’t deserve kindness, since they were essentially a manufactured guitar band with an emphasis on the ‘pop’ part of Brit Pop, arranged for the members good looks and rumour has it they were […]

I am not Hamlet

I first learnt the definition of the word ‘procrastination’ when I was at college studying Hamlet on my English Literature course. Hamlet is about many things, but procrastination is one of the big themes in the play. Hamlet is procrastinating about what to do, whether to avenge his Father’s murder, whether to kill Claudius and […]

You’re in a bad way

Yesterday was a day in the chronicles of my life. Today was another. I did not like today. I have fallen into my comforting bad habits. Comfort eating. I have also adopted a worrying new habit. I have started having a drink after work, sometimes not even getting to the home first but having it […]

Tentative Steps Towards a Better Future

At the Wedding yesterday I decided how I wanted to live my life going forward. I want to ‘Let People In’. At the Wedding as Bridesmaid I was one of the key guests, a role I found ‘terrifying’ but even though in the days preceding the Wedding I was worried I was going to ruin […]

My Worst Moments of Anxiety #3 Graduation Day

#3 Newport, Wales, UK 2011 I have a habit of getting extremely anxious at big social gatherings which are supposed to be happy occasions. It is primarily for this reason that I fear having a big wedding and instead hope to have a small one. In general I had poor mental health whilst at University. […]

The marked difference between a calm and anxious mind

CUSTOMER SERVICE SITUATION (Where I have to talk to people) Anxious Mind Oh crap, I have to talk to someone. I wish I had the power of invisibility. Is it too late to hide under the desk? I pray that they just want to know where the nearest bathroom is and not anything more complex […]

My Worst Moments of Anxiety #4 PROM NIGHT

#4  WEST SUSSEX, ENGLAND 2005 In 2005 I was 16 and doing my GCSEs. I had learnt how to straighten my hair without burning my ear and I was going out with my first boyfriend. Things were going great. Not. I have struggled with depression, anxiety and mental health I would say since I was […]

Flip It

At the weekend I was chatting to my boyfriend. It was about my social anxiety. I was saying how in 2015 my biggest problem was the fact I was a financial hell mouth and somehow haemorrhaged money each month (each day would be more accurate) and felt like a bottom feeder living off my boyfriend. […]