The Morning After The Night Before

The alarm said 4:30am. There is a great play by Sarah Kane called 4.48 Pychosis, which is about how her only moments of clarity in a 24 hour onslaught of poor mental health would come at 4.48 in the morning. I am a deep sleeper, but 4.30 am has become my new waking up time […]

I Don’t Believe In Being Brave

Menswear are a 90’s Brit Pop band. Some may argue that history has been unkind to them. Others will say that they don’t deserve kindness, since they were essentially a manufactured guitar band with an emphasis on the ‘pop’ part of Brit Pop, arranged for the members good looks and rumour has it they were […]

I am not Hamlet

I first learnt the definition of the word ‘procrastination’ when I was at college studying Hamlet on my English Literature course. Hamlet is about many things, but procrastination is one of the big themes in the play. Hamlet is procrastinating about what to do, whether to avenge his Father’s murder, whether to kill Claudius and […]

I feel elated

I had the day off work today and I went to the Doctor’s to discuss being referred to the Mental Health service here to be checked for Borderline Personality Disorder. We had a lovely chat, but my Doctor was very keen to stress that diagnosis can take years, it can totally depend on who sees […]

I do the best impression of myself

I need money. Due to basically spending all of the month’s food budget already, we have had to increase the budget by £50, and to be honest we have admitted defeat, and the new monthly food budget for the rest of the year will be £250. This means I had to find a way to front my £25 […]

You’re in a bad way

Yesterday was a day in the chronicles of my life. Today was another. I did not like today. I have fallen into my comforting bad habits. Comfort eating. I have also adopted a worrying new habit. I have started having a drink after work, sometimes not even getting to the home first but having it […]

Tentative Steps Towards a Better Future

At the Wedding yesterday I decided how I wanted to live my life going forward. I want to ‘Let People In’. At the Wedding as Bridesmaid I was one of the key guests, a role I found ‘terrifying’ but even though in the days preceding the Wedding I was worried I was going to ruin […]

In a Cage (On Prozac)

What would my life be like if instead of fearing the worse in every situation, I anticipated the best? If I woke up excited for all the wonders that would fill my day instead of awaiting the potential (and often unrealised) horrors? If I believed that I could change my life for the better? That […]

Don’t Touch, Don’t Approach, Don’t Feed

I don’t have an ipod, I have a tiny little MP3 thing that fits about 6 albums, you cannot select songs, but it is fine, it provides me with noise when I want to block people out in a socially acceptable way. Combine with sunglasses and I can avoid the whole world. Today I decided […]